Why Some Women Get Princess Treatment While Others Don’t
I’ve watched it happen more times than I can count. One friend gets flowers on a random Tuesday. Another gets her car detailed without asking. Meanwhile, someone else is wondering why her boyfriend forgot her birthday for the third year in a row.
Same city. Same dating pool. Completely different experiences.
You start to wonder if there’s some secret formula you’re missing. Like maybe you’re supposed to drop hints a certain way, or act more grateful, or stop being so independent. The internet will tell you it’s about standards. Your mom might say you’re too picky. Your friends are just as confused as you are.
Here’s what I’ve learned after years of watching relationships unfold, including my own messy attempts at figuring this out. Princess treatment in relationships has almost nothing to do with what you’re doing wrong.
The Uncomfortable Truth About Being Treated Like a Queen
Let me tell you about Sarah. She never asked for much. Always split the bill. Never complained when plans changed last minute. She thought being low maintenance would make her more lovable. Guess what happened? She got treated like she was low maintenance. Her boyfriend learned she’d accept the bare minimum, so that’s exactly what he gave her.
Then there’s Maya. She had a list. Not a crazy one, just clear expectations about how she wanted to be treated. Some guys rolled their eyes and moved on. One guy read her list and said, “Finally, someone who knows what they want.” He’s been bringing her coffee in bed for three years now.
The difference wasn’t about who deserved it more. They both deserved everything. The difference was about who they chose and what they were willing to accept.
Modern dating and princess treatment get tangled up in this weird narrative that wanting nice things makes you entitled. That expecting effort means you’re high maintenance. Someone convinced an entire generation of women that asking for flowers is basically a character flaw.
That’s BS!
When Princess Treatment Actually Shows Up
You know what I’ve noticed? The women who get treated like queens aren’t playing games. They’re not following some dating strategy they found online. They simply chose men who wanted to treat them that way.
I had coffee with a friend last month. She casually mentioned her husband booked her a spa day because she’d had a rough week at work. She didn’t ask for it. Didn’t hint. He just paid attention and did something about it.
That’s the thing nobody wants to say out loud. Princess treatment in relationships happens when someone actually wants to give it to you. You can’t negotiate someone into treating you well. You can’t earn it by being perfect enough. You can’t trick them into it with the right combination of words.
Either they see your value and respond to it, or they don’t.
The Space Between Standards and Settling
There’s this moment that happens in every relationship. You realize something isn’t sitting right. Maybe he cancels plans constantly. Maybe she never asks about your day. Maybe the effort just feels lopsided.
You have two choices. You can tell yourself you’re asking for too much. Lower your expectations. Convince yourself that real love means accepting less than what you need. Or you can speak up.
Here’s where it gets tricky. When you speak up to the right person, things change. They might not get it perfect immediately, but they try. They adjust. They care that you’re unhappy.
When you speak up to the wrong person? You get told you’re being dramatic. Needy. Impossible to please. They make you feel like wanting basic consideration is somehow unreasonable.
Princess treatment vs. mutual respect aren’t opposing concepts. They’re the same thing. Someone who treats you like a queen is showing you respect. They’re saying through their actions that your happiness matters to them.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
My neighbor Tom isn’t rich. He’s a teacher. But every single morning, he makes his wife’s lunch and leaves a note in the bag. Every morning. For sixteen years.
That’s princess treatment. Not because lunch is fancy or expensive. Because he wakes up every day and thinks about making her life a little easier.
Meanwhile, I know someone dating a guy who makes three times what Tom makes. He’s never once filled her gas tank, even though her car’s been running on empty and she’s mentioned it five times. He has the money. He just doesn’t have the inclination.
Money has nothing to do with this. Neither does how busy someone is. It’s about priority. You either matter to someone or you don’t. Their actions will tell you which one it is long before their words do.
Why Some Women Never Experience It
This is the part that stings. Some women spend years, decades even, wondering why everyone else seems to get the treatment they’re missing. They watch friends get surprised with weekend trips while they’re fighting to get a text back.
Usually, it comes down to one of two things. Either they keep choosing people who aren’t capable of giving them what they need, or they’ve convinced themselves that asking for what they need is wrong.
I spent my early twenties with someone who made me feel selfish for wanting his time. He was always busy. Always tired. Always had something more important. I twisted myself into knots trying to need less from him. You know what changed? Nothing. Because the problem was never how much I needed. The problem was that he didn’t want to meet me there.
The Role You Play in All of This
Here’s something I wish someone had told me earlier. You’re not powerless in this. You might not be able to change how someone treats you, but you absolutely control whether you stick around for it.
Every time you accept less than what you need, you’re teaching someone that’s acceptable. Every time you brush off your own disappointment, you’re telling them your feelings don’t require a response. You train people how to treat you, whether you mean to or not.
This doesn’t mean you throw fits or issue ultimatums over every little thing. It means you notice patterns. When someone consistently shows you they’re not willing to put in effort, you believe them. When someone treats your needs like they’re optional, you recognize that’s information.
The women who get princess treatment aren’t meaner or more demanding. They just decided their own comfort matters. They stopped twisting themselves into shapes to make someone else’s life easier while their own needs went unmet.
When to Walk Away
There’s a specific feeling that tells you it’s time to go. You can’t quite name it at first. It’s this low hum of resignation that settles into your chest. You stop expecting things to get better. You stop even hoping.
You make plans around their lack of effort instead of addressing it. You tell yourself this is just how relationships are. You watch other couples and think they must be faking it because nobody actually treats their partner that well consistently.
That feeling is your answer.
Someone who wants to treat you well will show you consistently. They won’t make you beg for basic consideration. You won’t have to build a case for why you deserve their effort. They’ll just give it because making you happy makes them happy.
If you’re constantly explaining why you deserve kindness, you’re with the wrong person.
What Changes When You Choose Better
I remember the first time someone I was dating did something thoughtful without being asked. I actually teared up. Not because it was this grand gesture, just because he remembered something I mentioned once in passing and acted on it.
That’s when I realized how low my bar had gotten. I’d been so used to fighting for scraps that basic thoughtfulness felt overwhelming.
When you’re with someone who genuinely wants to treat you like a queen, everything shifts. You stop second-guessing whether you’re asking for too much. You stop performing gratitude for doing the bare minimum. You relax into being cared for because it’s just what happens naturally between you.
Being treated like a queen isn’t about fancy dinners or expensive gifts, though those are nice. It’s about being with someone who thinks about your needs without you having to remind them. Who notices when you’re struggling and does something about it. Who sees making your life easier as part of loving you, not an inconvenience.
The Bottom Line
You’ll get princess treatment when you stop accepting anything less. When you choose people who are actually capable of giving it. When you recognize that wanting to be treated well isn’t a character flaw.
Some people will never treat you the way you deserve, no matter how wonderful you are. That’s not about whether you’re worthy or not. It’s about their capacity.
The right person won’t make you wonder if you matter to them. They’ll show you every single day in small, consistent ways. They won’t need a handbook or a list of rules. They’ll just pay attention and respond.
You deserve someone who thinks treating you well is a privilege, not a chore. Someone who gets excited about making you happy. Someone who sees your joy as directly connected to their own.
Stop settling for people who make you feel like caring about you is optional. Life’s too short to spend it with someone who treats your needs like they’re negotiable.
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