That Gut Feeling Isn’t Lying: Why Your Instincts About Men Matter More Than You Think

I was eight years old when I first learned to listen to that voice. A man from my 4-H rabbit club drove me to a show, just the two of us. He barely spoke. His stare lingered too long, like he was looking through me instead of at me. When I asked for some punch at the concession stand, he said something that froze me in place: “If you don’t hurry up and order that punch, I’m gonna punch YOU.”

Maybe it was a joke. Maybe he thought he was being funny. But my body didn’t care about his intentions. Every cell in me knew something was wrong. The minutes crawled by like hours until my mom picked me up. I practically fell into her arms, fighting back tears of relief.

I never saw him again.

That day taught me something critical: your discomfort is data. Your unease is information. And when every instinct tells you to run, you don’t need to wait around to see if you’re right.

Here’s the thing nobody tells you about creepy behavior. It doesn’t always announce itself with a villain’s mustache and a dark alley. Sometimes it shows up in small moments. A comment that makes your skin crawl. A boundary crossed so subtly you almost miss it. A question that digs too deep, too fast.

These behaviors exist on a spectrum, and not everyone who makes you uncomfortable is dangerous. Some people are just socially awkward. They don’t read the room well. They miss cues that seem obvious to everyone else.

Here’s what matters more than his intentions: how he makes you feel.

Your safety isn’t a consolation prize for someone else’s hurt ego. Too many of us have been conditioned to prioritize other people’s feelings over our own alarm systems. We worry about being rude. We don’t want to make a scene. We give people the benefit of the doubt when our gut is practically screaming at us.

Think about the behaviors that set off those internal alarms. The guy who stands just a little too close, even after you step back. The one who asks intensely personal questions on a first meeting, as if intimacy is something he can demand rather than earn. The person who doesn’t seem to notice (or care) when you’re clearly uncomfortable.

These aren’t always calculated moves. Some men genuinely don’t realize what they’re doing. They lack social awareness or empathy. They’ve absorbed harmful ideas about what they’re entitled to from women. They mistake persistence for romance, pressure for passion.

And then there are the ones who know exactly what they’re doing.

The stares that linger too long. Not a glance, not admiration, but that look that makes you feel like an object being appraised. It’s the difference between being seen and being sized up.

The personal space violations. Brushing past you when there’s plenty of room. Cornering you in conversation. Finding excuses to touch your arm, your shoulder, your back, even after you’ve moved away.

The boundary testing. Making suggestive comments to gauge your reaction. Pushing just a little, then a little more, seeing what you’ll tolerate. It’s like they’re probing for weaknesses in your defenses.

The dismissal of your discomfort. This one might be the most damaging of all. When you express that something makes you uncomfortable and he laughs it off. Calls you sensitive. Acts like you’re overreacting. It’s a power move disguised as a joke.

Some behaviors escalate into genuinely threatening territory. Following someone. Using technology to track or harass them. Making threats, veiled or explicit. These aren’t red flags anymore; they’re sirens.

Here’s what you need to know: you don’t have to wait for the sirens. You’re allowed to leave at the first tingle of unease. You’re allowed to trust your instincts even when you can’t articulate exactly what’s wrong.

Your gut has millions of years of evolutionary wisdom built into it. It processes micro-expressions, tone shifts, and body language faster than your conscious mind can. When it tells you something is off, it’s usually picking up on signals you haven’t consciously registered yet.

So what do you do when that alarm goes off?

Set boundaries clearly and without apology. “I’m not comfortable with that.” “Please don’t touch me.” “I need you to step back.” You don’t owe anyone an explanation or a softer version.

Remove yourself from the situation if you can. Your safety matters more than politeness. More than not wanting to hurt his feelings. More than avoiding awkwardness.

Tell someone you trust. Document the behavior if it continues. Report it if necessary. You’re not being dramatic. You’re being smart.

Here’s the truth: Even if you’re wrong, even if your instincts misread the situation, the worst-case scenario of trusting your gut is hurting someone’s feelings. The worst-case scenario of ignoring it? We don’t even want to think about that.

Some men will say this is unfair. That women are too quick to label behavior as creepy. That we’re paranoid.

Ask yourself: who bears the consequences when we ignore our instincts? Who pays the price when we give someone the benefit of the doubt?

It’s not them.

Your discomfort is not up for debate. It’s not something you need to justify or prove. When someone makes you feel unsafe, uncomfortable, or violated, that feeling is valid regardless of their intent.

The men who respect you will respect your boundaries. They’ll notice when you’re uncomfortable and back off. They’ll care more about your well-being than their own ego. They won’t make you feel like you need to justify your unease.

The others? They’ll reveal themselves by how they respond when you set limits.

I think about that day when I was eight years old, standing next to a man who made every alarm in my body go off. I think about how my mom didn’t question my fear or tell me I was overreacting. She just protected me.

That’s the gift we can give ourselves and each other. The permission to trust our instincts without apology. The freedom to prioritize our safety over someone else’s comfort. The courage to walk away when something doesn’t feel right.

Your gut feeling isn’t being dramatic. It’s not being rude. It’s not being unfair.

It’s trying to keep you safe.

Listen to it.

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