It’s not surprising that you landed here. It’s also not surprising that this article has been one of the most visited on this site. If you’ve found yourself here, I want you to know something right away: you’re not alone, and you’re not wrong for wondering if it’s time to leave a sexless marriage.

So many quietly ask the same hard questions you’re asking now, and honestly that’s why this post has been one of the most visited on this site. Because when intimacy fades, it’s not “just sex.” It’s about connection, rejection, loneliness, and whether or not you can keep living like this.

🚀Just a quick heads-up: this article is written from a woman’s point of view, drawn from my own experiences and emotions. I hope it feels like a heart-to-heart, not a lecture.

Key Highlights

• 👉The one question most people never ask themselves before leaving a sexless marriage
• 👉How physical disconnection may actually be a symptom, not the real problem
• 👉Why love might not be enough, and what actually is
• 👉The emotional side effect of sexlessness nobody talks about
• 👉What it really means to choose yourself without destroying everything around you

…..

What My Sexless Marriage Taught Me

I’m in a sexless marriage, and if I’m being honest, by most relationship experts’ standards, it’s probably always been one. We’ve built a life, raised two beautiful kids we both adore endlessly… but the intimacy has been missing for a long time.

Before we became parents, sex was rare, maybe once a month, and much of that connection was fueled by our shared drinking. It wasn’t just the alcohol; it was the ritual, the routine, the one thing that made us feel in sync, even if only briefly.

But in the spring of 2023, I let go of that ritual. I stopped drinking. I had already stopped enjoying it years before, but I kept going along with it, for him, for us, for the illusion of closeness. Once I stopped, though, the gap between us turned into a canyon.

He still drinks. Alone now. And without his “drinking buddy,” we feel more like strangers than spouses.

Moving through my forties, I found myself grieving – not just the lack of sex, but the quiet heartbreaks that have added up over the years. I grieved the kind of intimacy I’ve never known in this marriage. I grieved the sharp tone in his voice, the subtle control, the unpredictable outbursts, and the constant emotional distance.

And now I find myself sitting with the question so many of us wrestle with in silence: Should I leave a sexless marriage?

He, being clueless to my unhappiness, despite our many discussions, seems happy as a clam about the status quo, which has always perplexed me.

“How can a guy actually be ok with this??”

My sexless marriage has taught me that it’s easier to not talk, and to stop trying to push for intimacy that just isn’t there. I had years of trying, crying, and cajoling him.

🚀The sex, and lack of it, aren’t really the point. It’s about intimacy and feeling emotionally safe. I believe this is the biggest issue for women in a marriage that has become sexless – they don’t feel emotionally safe with their husbands.

Here’s something I realized after years of trying to keep the peace: almost every time we had sex, (on the rare occasion that it happened) he would snap at me, pick a fight, or say something deeply hurtful the very next day. It took me a long time to connect the dots, but eventually, I did. Now that bell can’t be unrung.

I stopped initiating. Why would I keep handing over that kind of intimacy when it always came with a side of emotional whiplash? I started seeing how unsafe I felt with him. How I’d brace for impact instead of feeling close.

That’s when I made a quiet decision: I pulled back emotionally too. I became indifferent. It was a survival mode kind of thing while I tried to figure out what to do about this sexless marriage I was still in.

It’s not black and white, though. He has some wonderful qualities. I don’t want to hurt him. But the truth is, he has hurt me. His ongoing disinterest in me physically has left invisible scars. I’ve felt ugly. Unwanted. Like I was some kind of asexual ghost in my own marriage. I’ve questioned my worth, my desirability, my very enough-ness.

So I started asking myself some hard questions—the kind you might be asking too if you’re trying to decide whether to stay or leave a sexless marriage. Questions that don’t always have clear answers, but need to be asked anyway.

Can a Marriage Survive Without Intimacy?

Intimacy isn’t just a bonus in a marriage—it’s the heartbeat. It’s what keeps two people feeling emotionally safe, connected, and seen. Sure, every relationship hits dry spells now and then, stress, kids, life can get in the way. When intimacy fades for good, when it’s been gone so long you can barely remember what closeness felt like, that’s when the cracks really start to show.

Some couples do find a way to survive a sexless marriage, but it takes deep honesty, emotional safety, and effort from both people. Not just one partner twisting themselves in knots trying to make it work.

The truth is, intimacy goes way beyond sex. It’s the glue that binds you on every level: emotionally, mentally, physically. Without it, even the most practical or peaceful arrangement can start to feel empty over time.

Maybe your partner has other qualities that make staying feel easier. Maybe they’re a great parent. Maybe they’re loyal, funny, or kind in other ways. And that matters. It all matters. But if you’re missing that deeper connection, if the physical and emotional closeness just isn’t there, and hasn’t been for a long time, then you owe it to yourself to ask: Can I keep living like this?

🚀Because if nothing changes, and you’re the only one carrying the emotional weight, the truth is this: most sexless marriages don’t survive. And if you’re even considering whether to leave a sexless marriage, you’ve probably been lonely for a very long time.

10 Deep Questions to Ask Yourself Before Leaving a Sexless Marriage

Deciding whether to leave a sexless marriage isn’t something anyone takes lightly. It’s not just about the sex—it’s about how deeply that absence affects your sense of connection, worth, and even identity.

If you’re at that crossroads, pausing to reflect is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself. These ten questions aren’t here to rush your decision—they’re here to help you hear yourself clearly.

💡1. Have I Clearly Communicated That This Marriage Feels Sexless to Me?

Sometimes we think we’ve said it loud and clear, but what we’re really doing is dropping hints, dancing around it, or hoping our silence says enough. When you’re hurting, being vulnerable can feel risky, especially if emotional safety has been shaky for a while.

But ask yourself: Have I truly looked my partner in the eye and said, “This marriage feels sexless to me, and it’s hurting me”? Not in anger, not in passing, but in a real, heartfelt conversation that names what’s missing and how it’s affecting you, not just physically, but emotionally too.

Before deciding whether to leave a sexless marriage, your voice deserves to be heard fully and clearly. Even if the response isn’t what you hoped for, you will know you were honest about your needs.

💡2. Do I Know Why This Marriage Has Become Sexless?

When you’re living in a sexless marriage, it’s easy to feel like the intimacy just… vanished. But there’s usually a story behind the silence. Sometimes it’s stress, health issues, trauma, resentment, parenting overload, or just years of disconnection quietly piling up.

Before you make the decision to leave a sexless marriage, ask yourself: Do I really understand why we stopped being close? Was there a turning point? A slow drift? Have either of us tried to name it out loud?

In some cases, there are paths back. This can be through therapy, medical support, honest conversations, or intentional changes in how you connect. In others, the reasons are more deep-rooted and harder to fix.

But knowing why the intimacy faded is key. It helps you see whether this is something that could be rebuilt, or something that’s been gone for good.

💡3. Am I Meeting My Partner’s Needs in This Sexless Marriage?

When you’re hurting, it’s completely valid to focus on your own pain. You’ve likely carried it quietly for a long time. But sometimes, in the middle of all that disconnection, we forget to look at the other side of the silence.

In a sexless marriage, both people can feel lonely, unseen, or emotionally neglected, even if it looks like one of you has checked out. So take a breath and ask yourself gently: Have I been meeting their needs too? Have I shown them love in the way they receive it? Have I offered connection, affection, or appreciation in ways that feel safe and real?

This isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about getting honest. Rebuilding intimacy, if it’s even possible, starts with both people showing up, not just pointing fingers. And before you decide to leave a sexless marriage, it’s worth asking if your partner might be hurting too, even if they’ve never said it out loud.

💡4. Do I Still Feel Love and Affection for My Partner?

It’s one thing to miss sex. It’s another thing entirely to miss the feeling of being in love with the person next to you. Before you decide to leave a sexless marriage, it’s important to pause and ask: Is there still love here? Affection? Warmth?

Sometimes the absence of physical intimacy is just the surface crack: what’s underneath might be a slow emotional drift, years in the making. But if you do still care deeply for your partner – if you feel tenderness, empathy, or even a desire to reconnect, it might mean there’s still something to work with.

Love alone doesn’t fix everything. But if it’s still there, even buried under hurt and resentment, it can be a starting point. Therapy, emotional honesty, and a willingness to show up for each other might begin to shift things. But if the love is gone, or feels unreachable, it’s okay to name that too.

💡5. Have We Tried to Solve the Problem Together?

Before you leave a sexless marriage, it’s worth asking: Have we actually tried to fix this together, or have we just been silently drifting? It’s so easy to assume that if one person is unhappy, the other just doesn’t care. But sometimes, it’s not apathy, but avoidance, fear, or simply not knowing how to start the hard conversations.

Have you two ever sat down and said, “This is a real issue, and we need help figuring it out”? Have you tried couples therapy, sex therapy, or even just reading and learning together? Not everything is fixable, but sometimes people need guidance to even see what’s broken.

Working through something this vulnerable takes effort from both sides. If you’ve tried and your partner hasn’t shown up, or if they have, and things still haven’t changed – that gives you clarity. But if you haven’t tried yet, it might be worth exploring. That way, whatever choice you make, you’ll know you didn’t walk away without fighting for your needs and your connection.

💡6. Is This Sexless Marriage Hurting My Mental and Emotional Health?

A sexless marriage doesn’t just affect your body. It messes with your heart, your self-worth, and your sense of belonging. If you’ve been feeling chronically rejected, invisible, or like you’re somehow “too much” or “not enough,” it’s no wonder your emotional health might be taking a hit.

So be honest with yourself: How is this really making me feel? Are you constantly second-guessing your worth? Are you carrying loneliness around like a second skin? Feeling emotionally starved in a relationship that’s supposed to be your safe place can quietly wear you down over time.

If this marriage is draining your joy or damaging your mental health, it’s not just “a dry spell” – it’s a big deal. Whether you try to repair things or eventually decide to leave the sexless marriage, your well-being matters. You deserve to feel loved, wanted, and emotionally safe. That’s not asking too much. That’s the baseline.

💡7. Is the Lack of Sex Just a Symptom of Bigger Issues?

A sexless marriage rarely happens out of the blue. It’s usually the visible crack in a much deeper fault line. It can be built from old arguments that never got resolved, emotional distance, built-up resentment, or even trust that quietly eroded over time.

So ask yourself gently but truthfully: Is this really about sex? Or is the sexlessness just the easiest part to name? Sometimes the real problem is that you’re not feeling seen, valued, or emotionally safe. Or maybe you’re both just… roommates now, with different values, rhythms, or expectations.

If those deeper issues can be named and worked through with honesty, humility, and support, intimacy might have a fighting chance. But if those roots are too tangled or one-sided to ever untangle, then no amount of “trying” will fix what’s broken. The goal isn’t just more intimacy. It’s connection, respect, and real partnership.

💡8. Could I Stay in This Sexless Marriage Long-Term?

Here’s the question that gets real, fast: If nothing ever changes, and if intimacy never comes back, can I honestly see myself staying in this sexless marriage for the long haul?

For some, the answer is yes. Maybe there’s deep friendship, emotional safety, shared goals, or a life rhythm that still feels meaningful. But for others, the absence of physical connection feels like a slow erosion of the self, like living in a relationship that always feels one layer too thin.

There’s no right or wrong answer here, only your truth. If sex is a core need for you, ignoring that isn’t noble. It’s self-abandonment. Be brutally honest with yourself: Can I accept this dynamic without growing bitter, resentful, or shut down?

Staying in a sexless marriage long-term takes more than patience. It takes emotional clarity, aligned expectations, and sometimes a complete redefinition of what you need from love. Whatever path you choose, make sure it honors both your heart and your future.

💡9. What Are My Expectations About Sex in a Marriage?

Let’s get real about what you want. Not what your friends say, not what the internet says, not what you think you should settle for. What does a satisfying sexual connection mean to you? Is it about feeling desired, emotionally close, physically alive, or all of the above?

Everyone defines intimacy differently, and it’s okay if your expectations don’t match your partner’s, or even what they used to be. But if your needs are constantly pushed aside, minimized, or ignored, it’s time to ask: Can I thrive in a sexless marriage that doesn’t reflect my values around love, connection, and touch?

This isn’t about being “needy.” It’s about being honest. Your expectations around sex are valid. Understanding them is key to figuring out whether you’re trying to fix something that still matters or forcing yourself to stay somewhere your needs can’t be met.

💡10. Am I Ready for the Consequences if I Leave a Sexless Marriage?

Deciding to leave a sexless marriage isn’t just about unmet needs. It’s about stepping into the unknown. And that can be terrifying.

Are you ready to handle the emotional waves that come with ending something you once hoped would last forever? Have you thought through the ripple effects on your finances, your family, your kids, your identity? These aren’t reasons to stay stuck, but they are real-life pieces of the puzzle you should consider with care.

Try to picture your life on the other side. Not just the freedom, but the loneliness, and the rebuilding. Can you see yourself moving through all of that and still standing tall?

If you’re going to leave, let it be a choice made from strength, not escape. From clarity, not just pain. Only you can decide what you’re willing to risk for the chance to live fully, and love deeply again.

Final Thoughts

So here’s what it really comes down to: it’s not just the sex we miss. It’s the connection. The comfort. That deep, unshakable sense of being seen, and valued by the person we’ve chosen to share life with.

If that emotional safety can be rekindled, if the intimacy, physical or emotional can be rebuilt, that’s more than half the battle. And no, you don’t need a steamy, movie-script kind of sex life to have a good marriage. But you do need honesty, and a mutual willingness to show up.

It’s not selfish to want more. It’s not heartless to consider leaving a sexless marriage if your emotional and physical needs have gone unmet for years. Marriage is a promise not just of love, but of effort. If one or both of you have stopped holding up your end of that promise, then it’s time to face it with courage.

Get support. Talk to a therapist. Work through it if you can, or walk away with grace if you can’t. But whatever you do, don’t carry the guilt. You’re allowed to want more from your life and your relationship.

These ten questions aren’t here to rush your decision. They’re here to help you find your truth. And wherever that truth leads, know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not wrong for wanting to feel desired and whole.