9 Toxic Excuses That Wreck Marriages: Stop the Blame Game
Tired of hearing excuses that keep you stuck in an endless loop with your partner?
Does it seem like no matter how hard you try, your relationship continues to fall into a cycle of excuses that wreck marriages?
You’re not alone.
If you’re constantly blaming each other, or avoiding hard conversations, you might be caught in patterns that are slowly turning your relationship into one of the marriage killers that take away trust, intimacy, and connection.
The toxic excuses you make—or accept—can be far more destructive than you realize.
In this article, we’ll break down 9 excuses that wreck marriages, why they are marriage killers, and how to stop letting them dictate your relationship’s future.
Understanding and addressing these toxic habits will not only prevent emotional distance, but also help you reclaim the love and happiness you deserve.
What You’ll Learn:
- The most toxic excuses that wreck marriages.
- How the blame game kills trust and intimacy.
- How to stop using excuses and start communicating.
- Simple strategies to strengthen your relationship today.
Why Excuses are Marriage Killers
Excuses in marriage are a significant factor in deteriorating relationships, because they create a cycle of avoidance and resentment.
When one partner continually deflects responsibility, it prevents accountability and stalls growth. Over time, this erodes trust, as the other partner feels unheard or invalidated.
Studies show that when partners use excuses to avoid addressing issues, they reinforce a lack of emotional maturity and hinder open communication, both essential for a healthy relationship.
As trust and respect begin to wither, the emotional connection weakens, making it more difficult to resolve conflicts. Without accountability, problems become unresolved, leading to frustration and eventual disconnection.
For example, when one partner continuously makes excuses for neglecting their responsibilities, the other partner may begin to feel as though their needs are being ignored, which can lead to feelings of abandonment or isolation.
Excuses also cultivate a sense of power imbalance, where one partner consistently shirks responsibility, creating a toxic environment that discourages collaboration and mutual support.
In the long run, this dynamic can contribute to the breakdown of the marriage, as both partners stop investing in making things work.
Toxic Excuses That Wreck Marriages
1. “I Didn’t Mean It That Way”
Why it’s a marriage killer:
This excuse is used to deflect blame after an emotionally charged situation. While it’s possible that someone didn’t mean to hurt their partner, repeatedly using “I didn’t mean it” denies the impact of the words or actions. This minimizes the hurt and damages emotional intimacy.
The deeper problem:
By refusing to accept responsibility, you prevent growth. Over time, this excuse will make your partner feel unseen and unheard, slowly chipping away at your connection. Excusing hurtful actions with “I didn’t mean it that way” becomes one of the marriage killers that prevents healing.
The fix:
Instead of deflecting, acknowledge the feelings behind the issue. Saying, “I understand how that hurt you, and I’m sorry” shows your partner that their emotions matter, which strengthens your bond.
2. “You Know How I Am”
Why it’s a marriage killer:
This excuse is often used when someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions. It implies that the behavior is ingrained, suggesting that there’s no room for change. The problem is that growth is essential in any marriage, and saying “you know how I am” stops that process.
The deeper problem:
When you use this excuse, you’re telling your partner that your flaws are non-negotiable. Over time, this breeds frustration and a sense of helplessness, pushing both partners further apart.
The fix:
Instead of using your past as an excuse, focus on growth. Recognizing your behavior and working together to improve is key to overcoming excuses that wreck marriages. Acknowledge your shortcomings, then take action to change.
3. “I’m Too Tired to Talk About This Right Now”
Why it’s a marriage killer:
While exhaustion is understandable, constantly using it as an excuse to avoid emotional conversations only worsens things. When you brush aside your partner’s concerns because you’re tired, it signals that your relationship isn’t a priority.
This leads to unresolved issues and growing emotional distance—one of the worst marriage killers.
The deeper problem:
Repeatedly avoiding important conversations can lead to feelings of neglect and emotional abandonment. Over time, your partner might feel that their concerns are irrelevant, and that erodes the emotional connection.
The fix:
Make time for your partner. Even if you’re exhausted, set aside a few minutes to check in. If you really are too tired, be honest and schedule a time to talk later. Let your partner know you value their emotions.
4. “It’s Your Fault for Getting Upset”
Why it’s a marriage killer:
This excuse blames your partner for their emotional reaction, shifting responsibility away from the actual issue. It’s a form of gaslighting that manipulates the situation, making the person who is hurt feel like the one at fault.
The deeper problem:
When you constantly tell your partner it’s their fault for being upset, it creates an emotionally toxic environment. This kind of behavior cultivates resentment and discourages open communication, two major marriage killers.
The fix:
Instead of deflecting blame, own your actions. Listen to your partner’s feelings, validate them, and apologize when necessary. By doing so, you create trust and create a safe space for future discussions.
5. “I’ll Change, (But Not Today”)
Why it’s a marriage killer:
Promises of change, like apologies, are meaningless if they aren’t backed up by action. Saying, “I’ll change – but not today” only delays progress, leaving issues unresolved and causing frustration. This is one of the most dangerous excuses that wreck marriages, as it leads to empty promises and broken trust.
The deeper problem:
Empty promises create a cycle of disappointment. When your partner hears “I’ll change” repeatedly, but never sees action, they begin to lose faith in your commitment to the relationship.
The fix:
Instead of vague promises, set a clear plan of action. Say, “I’ll take this step today to improve.” Following through on small commitments helps rebuild trust and keeps your relationship moving forward.
6. “I Was Just Joking”
Why it’s a marriage killer:
This excuse is often used to mask hurtful or inappropriate comments. When something is said that hurts your partner, covering it with “I was just joking” dismisses their feelings and prevents a real conversation about the issue.
Over time, this excuse becomes a tool for deflection, making it harder to address serious issues in the marriage.
The deeper problem:
Repeatedly using humor as a shield creates emotional disconnection. Instead of addressing the real problem, it trivializes it, leading to frustration and resentment—two marriage killers.
The fix:
Stop using humor as a defense mechanism. If you hurt your partner, own up to it and apologize. Let them know that you understand the impact of your words and that you value their feelings.
7. “I Didn’t Have Time”
Why it’s a marriage killer:
This excuse is often used when a partner neglects their relationship, claiming they were simply too busy to engage. If “I didn’t have time” becomes a recurring excuse, it implies that your marriage isn’t a priority, leading to emotional neglect—one of the most damaging marriage killers.
The deeper problem:
Over time, neglecting your relationship can cause deep emotional rifts. When one partner feels like they don’t have time for the other, they begin to feel unimportant and unloved.
The fix:
Prioritize your relationship, even when life is busy. If you’re truly overwhelmed, communicate and set aside dedicated time for your partner. It shows that despite external stressors, your connection matters most.
8. “It’s Not a Big Deal”
Why it’s a marriage killer:
When you repeatedly dismiss your partner’s concerns with “it’s not a big deal,” it minimizes their feelings. This is a form of emotional invalidation, which builds resentment and erodes intimacy. Dismissing issues as trivial is a prime example of excuses that wreck marriages.
The deeper problem:
Constantly belittling your partner’s feelings causes them to shut down. Over time, they may stop bringing up issues altogether, fearing they won’t be taken seriously.
The fix:
Even if you don’t think the issue is significant, take your partner’s feelings seriously. Acknowledge their perspective and work together to resolve the problem, no matter how small it may seem.
9. “I Was Raised That Way”
Why it’s a marriage killer:
Blaming your upbringing for your behavior prevents personal growth. “I was raised that way” is an excuse that can trap you in unhealthy patterns. Relationships require constant self-awareness and growth, and using your past as a crutch prevents this progress.
The deeper problem:
This excuse cultivates a fixed mindset. Over time, it can make the other partner feel like they’re in a relationship with someone who is unwilling to grow or change, contributing to one of the most destructive marriage killers – stagnation.
The fix:
While acknowledging your upbringing is important, it’s equally important to take responsibility for your actions. Commit to working through behaviors that harm your relationship and make strides toward self-improvement.
How to Stop the Blame Game
1. Own Your Actions
The first step to ending toxic excuses is owning up to your behavior. Acknowledge mistakes, apologize sincerely, and take steps to change. When both partners commit to this, the marriage improves.
2. Have Open Conversations
Instead of deflecting, focus on healthy communication. Approach tough topics with compassion and a willingness to listen. Ask questions like, “How can we fix this together?” and “What can I do differently?”
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
Make it clear that excuses and blame are not acceptable. Create an environment where honesty is valued and emotional maturity is expected. This sets the tone for a healthier, more supportive relationship.
4. Seek Counseling
If the cycle of excuses feels too deep-rooted to break alone, couples counseling can help. A therapist can guide you in understanding the reasons behind the blame and teach both partners healthier coping mechanisms.
Key Takeaways
- Excuses that wreck marriages are usually self-serving and create emotional distance.
- Recognize marriage killers like shifting blame, emotional avoidance, and empty promises.
- Take immediate steps to break the cycle by owning your actions and communicating effectively.
- Commit to a relationship based on trust, respect, and growth, not blame.
FAQ’s
- What are some excuses that wreck marriages? Excuses like “I didn’t mean it,” “You know how I am,” and “I’m too tired” prevent healthy communication and accountability.
- How do I stop blaming my partner? Focus on owning your actions, listening with empathy, and taking accountability. Effective communication and mutual respect are key.
- Why do men make excuses in relationships? It’s often due to fear of vulnerability, a desire to avoid conflict, or a lack of awareness of the damage it causes. Mistakes men make in relationships include avoiding tough conversations or deflecting blame.
- How can excuses affect intimacy? Constant excuses and blame prevent real connection, reducing emotional intimacy. When couples can’t talk openly, their emotional bond weakens over time.
By addressing these excuses head-on, you can prevent your marriage from becoming another statistic of failure due to blame. Recognize the problem, take action, and build a relationship that thrives on love, trust, and mutual respect.
Final Thoughts
Toxic excuses that wreck marriages are more than just an annoyance—they are marriage killers that can tear apart the emotional fabric of your relationship. These excuses build emotional walls, create resentment, and stop couples from growing together.
You didn’t enter your relationship to be mistreated, overlooked, or abandoned. Being disrespected, ignored, financially mistreated, deprived of intimacy, or enduring childish and disruptive behavior shouldn’t be part of the deal.
If these issues are happening, your partner must make significant changes. Seeking professional help, whether individually or as a couple, is critical. However, if your partner resists counseling or change, you have to acknowledge that they may never evolve, forcing you to decide whether to tolerate the situation or move on to a healthier relationship.
While I support efforts to salvage relationships, it’s sometimes healthier to let go in the face of constant hurt and disregard.
This post may contain affiliate links. I earn from qualifying Amazon purchases at no extra cost to you.
