Emotionally Reactive? 7 Easy Ways to Stop

Sometimes I am the emotionally reactive person in my relationship. In fact, a recent event, where I lost my usual cool, brought me to write this blog post.

I live in a rural area. There are some empty lots down the dirt road behind our property where the owners used to grow exotic flowers. The flower growers hadn’t been there in about ten years, so the lots are now empty, but there are surrounding houses.

Although there are other houses around, the empty lots continue to attract squatters, illegal dumping, and drug addicts. They eventually get run off, then a new group shows up, and the whole process starts over again.

We’ve also had issues with booming loud parties happening all over our small town, that can be heard for miles around due to how quiet it (usually) is out here. In other words, any sound really, really travels!

When we first moved out here, I used to have a recurring nightmare about squatters noisy partying in our yard, and eventually in our house. I was alone, trying to get them out. They would laugh at me, and then carry on.

Loudly.

While I panic.

I hadn’t had the nightmare in years, but I never forgot how anxious and violated it made me feel for days afterward – oh, and dismissed, as well!

You can imagine my horror, when I saw a huge party bus for a mariachi band parked on the dirt lot just beyond our fence. I came out there, and tried to ask what was going on.

Alongside the party bus was a fire truck.

Obviously, this party was going to be a real hell-raiser.

On a Sunday night.

It doesn’t matter that the rest of us living in the neighborhood have work on Monday morning??

I called the fireman over to our gate. He was VERY dismissive of me, and my concerns. Since I deal with dismissive attitudes so much in my marriage, (and my nightmares,) so this was all it took to send me over the edge.

I was livid. I lost my cool with him. I screamed and cussed. It felt like an out of body experience. There have been few times my temper has gone from 0-100, and this was one of them.

I shouldn’t have done it, but if you knew the trouble we’ve had in the past, with noise, speeding, illegal dumping, squatting, theft, and all the other fun stuff that comes with meth- heads, drugs, and the people who use them, you’d understand why I had such an emotional reaction.

Someone even abandoned an old crappy RV where the bus is parked several years ago. Took us months to have that eye-sore of a jalopy hauled away by the county. Dumping RV’s is a common occurance out here. Thats a whole other story…

Never mind the fact that we are in a very high fire danger area.

It was a nightmare trying to get the previous bums and squatters out. For some reason, my state gives more rights to homeless than they do taxpayers. Even if their illegal activities could burn down my entire neighborhood. There have been terrible fires where I live due to homeless and other factors. As you can imagine, we are all always on high alert.

We pay a lot of money to enjoy our peace and quiet, and when you get old, and crotchety, like me, you value that peace.

You cling to it.

You need it.

To make it worse, when I came back into the house, my husband and I got into a terrible fight over it. My being emotionally reactive, caused him to respond in kind (he is highly emotionally reactive).

It was a mess, and so very upsetting. It also confirmed in my mind that our relationship is toxic, or we’d have had better, healthier ways of dealing with these kinds of issues.

Usually, I am the one who can keep my cool, but I failed this time. Of course, since he is ill-equipped himself, and even more emotionally reactive than I am, calming down wasn’t happening, and the whole thing just blew up. This has been an issue throughout our entire marriage.

Characteristics of Emotionally Reactive People

Emotionally reactive people tend to exhibit specific patterns in their behavior, thinking, and communication. These characteristics often reveal themselves in everyday situations and relationships, making them predictable once you know what to look for:

Quick to Anger or Upset
One of the hallmark traits of emotionally reactive people is how fast they can switch from calm to agitated. They may feel deeply provoked by minor frustrations or everyday inconveniences. Their anger or sadness seems disproportionate to the situation, often leading to arguments, raised voices, or tears.

Black-and-White Thinking
Emotionally reactive individuals tend to see things in extremes. It’s either all good or all bad—there’s little room for nuance. This mindset fuels their emotional reactivity because situations or conversations that don’t align perfectly with their expectations are seen as threats or failures.

Difficulty Letting Go
They may have trouble moving on from emotional wounds or perceived slights. This “emotional hangover” can linger for days or even weeks, causing them to ruminate on situations long after everyone else has moved past them. This inability to release emotions traps them in cycles of reactivity.

Overpersonalization
Emotionally reactive individuals frequently take things personally, even when they aren’t intended that way. A casual comment or a differing opinion may feel like a personal attack, triggering defensiveness or emotional outbursts. This sensitivity leads them to perceive everyday situations as challenges to their self-worth.

Constant Need for Validation
They often rely on external validation to soothe their emotions, looking to others for reassurance when they feel insecure. When they don’t get this validation, their emotional reactivity escalates. They may become clingy or overly critical, depending on the response they’re seeking.

Impulsive Responses
Rather than taking a moment to process their emotions, emotionally reactive people tend to respond impulsively. Whether it’s firing off an angry text, storming out of a room, or blurting out hurtful words, these reactions are immediate and unfiltered. Over time, this can damage relationships and communication.

Causes of Emotional Reactivity

Understanding why emotional reactivity occurs can offer valuable insight into how to prevent it. While there are many contributing factors, some common underlying causes explain why some individuals react more intensely than others.

Early Childhood Experiences
Emotional reactivity often traces back to early childhood experiences. Children who grow up in chaotic or emotionally unpredictable environments may develop heightened sensitivity to emotional cues. If they learned that anger, yelling, or extreme reactions were normal, these patterns could carry into adulthood.

Unresolved Trauma
Unresolved trauma—whether it’s from childhood or later in life—can trigger emotional reactivity. Trauma causes the brain to be on high alert for perceived threats, even in non-threatening situations. A trauma survivor might experience intense emotional reactions to seemingly harmless triggers because their body and mind are still in survival mode.

Anxiety and Depression
Emotional reactivity often coincides with mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Individuals with anxiety may feel emotionally overwhelmed more easily, while those with depression can have difficulty regulating emotions, leading to outbursts. Emotional reactivity amplifies these mental health conditions, creating a vicious cycle that’s hard to break.

Poor Emotional Regulation Skills
People who lack emotional regulation techniques are more likely to be emotionally reactive. This lack of skill may stem from a family environment where emotions were either suppressed or expressed in volatile ways. Without proper modeling or guidance on how to manage emotions, reactivity becomes the default response.

Overactive Stress Response
An overactive stress response, often linked to the body’s “fight or flight” mechanism, can make emotional reactivity more intense. When someone perceives a threat—whether emotional, social, or physical—their body reacts by pumping out stress hormones. This flood of cortisol and adrenaline makes it harder to think clearly and regulate emotions, leading to impulsive, reactive behavior.

Lack of Emotional Awareness
Many emotionally reactive individuals aren’t fully aware of their own emotional triggers. They may react out of habit, without taking the time to understand what’s fueling their emotions. This lack of emotional awareness causes reactivity to feel out of control, as they don’t understand why they’re feeling the way they do.

Fatigue and Burnout
Emotional reactivity is often higher in individuals who are exhausted, emotionally, physically or mentally. Fatigue reduces your emotional threshold, making it harder to keep a lid on intense feelings. Whether it’s due to work stress, sleep deprivation, or prolonged emotional strain, burnout makes people more prone to emotional outbursts and less capable of emotional regulation.

7 Ways to Combat Emotional Reactivity

Emotional reactivity can feel like a storm hitting you out of nowhere, causing outbursts, miscommunication, and regret. Most advice on controlling emotional reactivity is overly simplistic and leaves you feeling like you’ve heard it all before. You’ve likely been told to breathe deeply, count to ten, or meditate.

While those tips are helpful, they barely scratch the surface of what it truly takes to rein in your emotional responses. If you’re tired of the same old advice, here are seven fresh strategies that go deeper into emotional regulation.

1. Understand the Root of Emotional Reactivity

Before you can tackle emotionally reactive behavior, you must first understand its root cause. Emotional reactivity often stems from unresolved past experiences, deep-seated fears, or unmet needs.

When an unexpected trigger sets off an intense emotional reaction, it’s not the situation itself but the underlying issue that you’re responding to. Identifying these patterns requires introspection.

Try journaling or reflecting on situations where you’ve overreacted. Recognizing what’s fueling your emotional volatility helps in dismantling the immediate trigger.

2. Develop Your Emotional Vocabulary

One of the most overlooked methods for reducing emotional reactivity is expanding your emotional vocabulary. Most people can only identify a few basic feelings—happy, sad, angry—but emotions are far more nuanced. The inability to name what you’re feeling can heighten emotional reactivity.

For example, being irritated isn’t the same as being resentful, and frustration isn’t the same as disappointment. By learning to label emotions accurately, you can better understand what you’re experiencing, making it easier to regulate your responses.

Emotional intelligence requires the ability to discern your feelings with precision, which in turn lowers emotional reactivity.

3. Break the Thought-Emotion Spiral

Emotionally reactive individuals often get caught in a thought-emotion spiral. A negative thought enters the mind, triggers an emotion, which in turn fuels more negative thinking. This spiral escalates quickly and leads to outbursts or anxiety.

Instead of letting this cycle run unchecked, break it by challenging your initial thoughts.

Cognitive reframing is a technique that helps you pause and ask, “Is this really as bad as it seems?” or “Am I interpreting this situation accurately?” By questioning your thoughts, you can prevent them from spiraling into emotional reactivity.

4. Practice “Tactical Grounding”

When you feel emotional reactivity building, you need more than just deep breathing. Try “tactical grounding,” a technique used by first responders to stay calm in chaotic situations.

It involves focusing on physical sensations to anchor yourself in the present moment. Take note of what you can see, hear, smell, taste, or touch.

This grounding technique pulls you out of emotional reactivity by reminding your brain that you’re not in immediate danger, reducing anxiety and emotional overwhelm.

5. Increase Emotional Tolerance with Micro-Dosing Stress

One unconventional way to reduce emotional reactivity is to build emotional tolerance through what is called “micro-dosing” stress. Emotional reactivity often occurs because we’re uncomfortable with even small amounts of emotional discomfort.

If you intentionally expose yourself to mild stressors—such as engaging in a difficult conversation or sitting with mild frustration—you train your nervous system to handle emotional pressure without overreacting.

By doing this consistently, you’ll find that you’re more capable of staying calm during emotionally charged situations.

6. Practice “Reflective Listening” in Conversations

Emotionally reactive people often struggle with communication in relationships. They may interrupt, get defensive, or misinterpret what others are saying.

One way to break this cycle is to practice “reflective listening.” Instead of immediately responding to what the other person says, repeat back what you’ve heard, either in your head or out loud.

This allows you to slow down, process the information, and clarify any misunderstandings. Reflective listening not only helps you regulate emotional reactivity but also improves communication and deepens relationships.

7. Strengthen Your Emotional Muscles with “Emotional Fasting”

Lastly, emotional reactivity can be curbed by taking regular breaks from emotionally stimulating situations. Much like fasting resets your body, emotional fasting helps reset your emotional system.

Step away from emotionally intense conversations, social media debates, or even certain friendships that consistently trigger emotional reactivity. This isn’t avoidance—it’s intentional emotional regulation.

By practicing emotional fasting, you give your nervous system a chance to recharge, making it easier to handle future emotional triggers with grace.

Emotional Reactivity vs. Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence involves being aware of and in control of your emotions. Emotional reactivity, on the other hand, is a sign that your emotions are controlling you.

While emotionally reactive people tend to respond impulsively to stimuli, emotionally intelligent individuals pause and evaluate their feelings before responding.

Learning to regulate emotions is a critical part of this process, and the more emotionally intelligent you become, the less emotional reactivity you will experience.

The Psychological Impact of Emotional Reactivity

Emotional reactivity doesn’t just impact your relationships—it affects your mental health as well. Consistent emotional reactivity can lead to anxiety, depression, and feelings of inadequacy.

Emotionally reactive people often feel out of control, which can heighten stress levels and contribute to a cycle of emotional dysregulation. Practicing emotional regulation techniques like the ones mentioned above can significantly reduce these negative psychological effects.

Final Thoughts

Controlling emotional reactivity requires more than just surface-level advice. It’s about understanding the deeper psychological and emotional processes driving your reactions and implementing practical, actionable strategies to manage them.

By incorporating these seven fresh techniques into your emotional regulation toolkit, you’ll be better equipped to navigate the emotional ups and downs of life with calmness, clarity, and resilience.