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While going through a gray divorce, it’s essential to be mindful of emotional pitfalls that can hinder your well-being, as well as your outcome once the dust settles. Emotions, while very powerful, are fleeting. The way you feel today, may not be how you feel tomorrow.
Keeping these 7 emotional pitfalls in mind, will go a long way towards a happier, healthier outcome. That’s the name of the game, right? Getting through a tough life-changing upheaval like gray divorce with as little emotional damage as possible.
I am not trying to make light of these emotions. What you are feeling is normal, and anyone who has gone through a late life divorce will completely understand. Remember to give yourself some grace. Feel what you need to feel, but don’t dwell on those emotions and don’t let them rule you.
As you journey through a late in life divorce, it’s essential to steer clear of these emotional pitfalls that could derail your path to healing and empowerment. I invite you to join me as I uncover the power of emotional resilience, empowering you to take charge of your well-being, and navigate your divorce journey with clarity and strength.
Don’t let your emotions dictate your actions – discover how to rise above and thrive during this challenging time.
Common Emotional Pitfalls to Avoid During Gray Divorce
Emotional Pitfall #1: Not Compromising
Your Divorce is essentially a “business deal” and no good business person gets far when lacking in compromise. Compromise if the meat and potatoes of the business world, and it should play a central role in your negotiations. Just make sure you are making decisions that are best for you, and not out of fear or just wanting to get it over with.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was your marriage. A divorce takes time, sometimes way more time than should be necessary, and that can be due to lack of compromise. Compromise is key as long as you are not short-changing yourself in the process.
Emotional Pitfall #2 Getting Revenge
Don’t be obsessed with getting revenge: Sure, it’s ok to feel vengeful — in fact it can help with healing when you imagine putting your ex in different scenarios where you come out on top, and they are laying in a pile of you-know-what.
Tell yourself, “I’m going to give my vengeful thoughts X amount of time per day and that’s it.” In other words, don’t let thoughts of revenge on your ex consume you.
However, acting on revenge will not do you or your ex any good, but it will sure fatten the bank account of your lawyers! A few thoughts of revenge are totally natural, but don’t give these kinds of thoughts more than a few minutes of your time each day.
Emotional Pitfall #3 Self Isolation
Additionally, resist the urge to isolate yourself from social support networks ; staying connected with others can provide valuable emotional sustenance during this challenging time. You may lose a few friends along the way anyway, as I’ve seen this happen over and over again with divorces — not just gray divorce. I’ve even seen it happen with my own family members who divorced and lost friends from it.
Many feel as though they have to “take sides” when a couple in their group split up. Divorcing is a crappy reason for a friend to dump someone when they need you the most, but it’s unfortunately common.
Emotional Pitfall #4 Bitterness and Resentment
Avoid getting caught up in bitterness or resentment towards your soon-to-be ex-spouse, as holding onto negative emotions can impede your ability to heal and move forward. Feel what you need to feel, but don’t let it control you.
Yes, I acknowledge that your soon-to-be ex might be a really crappy person, who has done terrible things to you, but you drinking poison meant for him, isn’t going to kill him, but it might kill you. If you keep carrying that resentment, it’ll eat you up inside. Trust me.
Do whatever it takes to move past it.
Emotional Pitfall #5 Acting Impulsively Out of Anger
Refrain from making impulsive decisions out of anger or frustration, and instead, approach divorce-related matters with clarity and level-headedness. If you have not learned it yet, try some self soothing methods like deep breathing exercises, manifesting, a mantra like “this too shall pass” or whatever else gets you through a frustrating day.
I have seen so many negative and regretful outcomes when divorce decisions — or any decisions — are made from a place of anger.
Don’t let this be you.
Emotional Pitfall #6 Taking everything at face value without critical evaluation
You may rely on your friends and family for emotional support, and that’s ok. However, some of the most well-meaning people in our lives can give bad, or inaccurate advice. This can set off a firestorm of panic emotionally. Believe me, your brain is all over the place during a divorce, and getting crappy advice will make it ten times worse. Plus, your situation is not necessarily the same as someone else’s. No two divorces are exactly alike, there are way too many variables.
Many of us tend to take a fatalistic view when going through a divorce, mostly due to fear of the unknown. When we think the worst, it is our brain’s way of protecting us.
Our brains want us to think of every possible scenario when in a high alert, fight or flight situation. This can be exacerbated by gray divorce when you know you don’t have the years, like a younger person would, to make up for it or to recuperate mentally, emotionally and financially.
Make sure you have good, professional counsel to combat this.
Emotional Pitfall #7 Guilt and Regret
Whatever you do, do NOT allow guilty, regretful feelings to rule over you. Guilt and regret, while common during a gray divorce, or any divorce, are useless emotions. The only real purpose they have when they are used is as a tool to keep you on the straight and narrow, when you may feel tempted to do something bad.
Some of us have a moral compass for that, and others rely on the guilt or regret they may feel if they act on a bad choice.
However, if you let guilt and regret manipulate your decisions, you are going to get walked on. Your soon-to-be ex spouse will smell the blood in the water and sense your weakness.
Even if you do feel guilty or regretful, keep a straight face and don’t show it!
Final Thoughts on Emotional Pitfalls During Gray Divorce
As you navigate the complications of gray divorce, it’s important to recognize and address common emotional pitfalls that may arise during this period of transition. Avoiding these emotional mistakes can be pivotal in shaping your post-divorce journey and creating personal growth.
By acknowledging and actively working to overcome these obstacles, you can reclaim your sense of self and embrace a brighter future.
Remember, compromise is key, revenge is a fleeting emotion, and isolation can hinder healing. Resist the allure of bitterness and resentment, and approach decisions with clarity rather than impulsivity. Finally, seek reliable advice and guard against guilt’s influence on your choices, empowering yourself to navigate divorce with strength and resilience.
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